Maria Bartiromo: Pretty And Pretty Petty

by Gabe Berman

Gabe is a freelance writer for the Miami Herald and author of Live Like a Fruit Fly

As Seen in the Bookstore…

Maria Bartiromo’s new book is in desperate need of a title change.  As of now it’s called The 10 Laws of Enduring Success but really should be renamed The 11 Laws of Enduring Success.

The first ten are regurgitated drivel from other motivational business books but the eleventh, as far as Maria’s career is concerned, is the key that unlocks all doors.

Law #11:  Be moderately pretty, spew lots of numbers with utmost confidence and most importantly, be a mouthpiece for the neoconservative, corporatist war machine and you’ll go far in this biz baby!

She’s an obvious Obama hater and basically a complete know-nothing.

Need a bit of proof?  During the fiasco to pass heath care, she pompously remarked to the 44-year-old Congressman Anthony Weiner, “If Medicare’s so good, why aren’t you on it?”

Because my dear, you need to be 65 to qualify for Medicare.  Even my 6-year-old nephews know that.

But in her defense, maybe she was absent that day from school as she was striving for that heavy-duty minor in finance.

Would you take life-or-death medical advice from some good-looking surfer dude who minored in bio?  Well, don’t trust Maria with your hard earned money either.

By: Gabe Berman

Gabe Berman is a native New Yorker who settled in South Florida after graduating from the University of Miami. An epiphany, a passion, and a trail of breadcrumbs led him out of Corporate America and into the career he was meant for. After eight years of writing columns for the Miami Herald, his book - Live Like A Fruit Fly - was published by HCI Books and subsequently endorsed by Deepak Chopra. His second book, The Complete B.S. Free and Totally Tested Writing Guide, helps artists find their voice and his latest work, Where Is God When Our Loved Ones Get Sick?, uncovers the answer to this haunting question.