In Defense Of ‘Baltimore Mom’ Toya Graham

Posted by | April 30, 2015 08:00 | Filed under: Bob Cesca Contributors Opinion

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There’s a rather intense debate happening now, pegged off a compelling footnote in the Baltimore story: a viral video of Baltimore resident Toya Graham smacking her teenage son who was getting ready to participate in the riots occurring there. Frankly, both sides have excellent points, making this a difficult topic to cover. That said, what’s being missed by those condemning Ms. Graham’s actions and, by extension her defenders as well as any other parent who spanks their child, is that the applause for Ms. Graham’s behavior isn’t an endorsement of child abuse or violence. In that moment, with those stakes, and with the eyes of the world watching, yes, she was entirely justified in what she did.

“That’s my only son and at the end of the day I don’t want him to be a Freddie Gray,” Graham told CBS News and she’s damn right.

In the video, Ms. Graham smacks her son three times, tries to remove his hood and grabs him by the scruff of his neck to lead him away from the rest of the group. That’s the extent of it. But listening some critics, you’d think she did a lot worse. (For a different perspective, read this excellent post by my friend Pat Perion, who’s a child abuse investigator.)

Before we continue, I’ll qualify my personal background with parenting. I raised a step-daughter from age three to age 18 with my ex-wife. I’m remarried now, and my step-daughter herself recently married a responsible, respectable husband. But many years ago, as a 6’4″ 215 lb. parent of a diminutive child, I never doled out any spankings myself. Personally, I was uncomfortable with it, though I participated in other forms of parental discipline (I could be quite loud when necessary). In terms of spanking, though, I never thought it was quite fair for a large man to exercise corporal punishment on a small girl and, at the end of the day, I was self-aware of the potential to be seen as the Stereotypical Evil Step-Dad. But I never objected when my ex-wife gave her a well-timed spank on the butt — a reaction that was always a last resort and never casual. The spankings were usually unexpected by our daughter during one of many typical childhood tantrums. Sometimes kids (most kids) do something so serious or behave in such an uncontrollable manner, the only solution is to shock the child back to reality.

Ms. Graham, in that moment… CONTINUE READING

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Copyright 2015 Liberaland
By: Bob Cesca

Bob Cesca is the managing editor at The Daily Banter (www.thedailybanter.com) and a Huffington Post contributor since 2005. He's worked in journalism since 1988 as a print writer/editor, a radio news anchor, a digital media columnist/editor, a book author and blogger. He's the co-host of the Bubble Genius Bob & Chez Show podcast and a Thursday regular on the syndicated Stephanie Miller Show. He's appeared on numerous other radio shows including the John Phillips Show and Geraldo Rivera Show in Los Angeles. Bob has been a commentator/analyst on the BBC (TV and radio), MSNBC, Current TV, CNN and Sky News. Following him on Twitter: @bobcesca_go

10 responses to In Defense Of ‘Baltimore Mom’ Toya Graham

  1. Anomaly 100 April 30th, 2015 at 08:11

    I’m not into smacking your kid around, but that was an intense and heated situation. Her son is alive. That may have turned out differently if she didn’t head-thump his dumb ass.

    • rg9rts April 30th, 2015 at 08:16

      His friends will razz his ass but mom was right…a slap down in public is better than a thump by the cops or worse….something most miss the point on ,,,,,getting arrested and having a record following him the rest of his life for doing something really stupid when he was a kid.

      • Anomaly 100 April 30th, 2015 at 08:36

        Agree completely especially given the circumstances. Dude had a rock in his hands from what I heard. She had to act quickly and I think she did a good job.

        • rg9rts April 30th, 2015 at 09:36

          Too many only look at the short term

    • trees April 30th, 2015 at 13:56

      So, discipline, including corporal punishment is effective?

  2. Suzanne McFly April 30th, 2015 at 08:59

    I am against beating a child, and what this mother did was not a beating. I believe she saved him and herself future heartache by being a mother who simply gives a damn.

  3. allison1050 April 30th, 2015 at 10:23

    She wasn’t sticking pins into her 16 y/o son but she did puncture his ego. She had told him to stay home so of course he didn’t and was stepping closer into getting into serious trouble so mom did what most parents don’t do, she took action. Hopefully he’s learned a valuable lesson about survival as a young Black man. He’ll survive his momentary embarrassment.

  4. trees April 30th, 2015 at 14:00

    I was self-aware of the potential to be seen as the Stereotypical Evil Step-Dad.

    So, if he were the biological parent he would act differently?

  5. CygnusX1isaHole April 30th, 2015 at 18:32

    Would Ms. Graham have pulled her son away if he was protesting peacefully?

  6. Robert M. Snyder April 30th, 2015 at 22:24

    According to a 2013 study, mothers do a lot more spanking than fathers.

    Spanking and Child Development Across the First Decade of Life
    “RESULTS: Overall, 57% of mothers and 40% of fathers engaged in spanking when children were age 3, and 52% of mothers and 33% of fathers engaged in spanking at age 5.”

    Published in PEDIATRICS, the Official Journal of the American Academy of Pediatrics
    (for some reason I was unable to paste the link here)

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