“I KNOW WHO THE MONSTERS ARE NOW, MOMMY!”
by Bill Schmalfeldt, inspired by a “pro-life” anonymous e-mail
THE LIBERAL GROUCH Presents: ‘Some Unfunny Satire’
Some years ago, I got one of those anonymous e-mails your right-wing cousin or in-law loves to send you. I just stumbled across one today. The poem is ostensibly about a baby asking God why Mommy aborted him. It was such an obvious play on emotions, that I wrote a rebuttal that was more in touch with reality.
I was so excited when I began realizing my existence. Although, to be honest, most of the time I wasn’t aware of much of anything because there was something in the blood pumping through me that made me feel strange, disconnected.
I learned to recognize the sensation as I grew. It was a lack of health care, Mommy. You were not able to give me the nutrition I needed or the vitamins and minerals I needed.
You couldn’t get help from the government to kick your drug habit, Mommy. The “pro life” people yelled at you and put you in jail and told you to think of the baby and that would be all the help you would need.
I was in a dark, yet comfortable place. I saw I had fingers and toes.
I wasn’t very far along in my developing, not near ready to leave my surroundings. I spent most of my time thinking or sleeping, that is, when I could sleep through all the loud noises I now recognize as the sounds of imprisonment.
Even from my earliest days, I knew you were trying real hard to do your best for me, but you needed help. You needed help you never got because it was too expensive and the rich people needed the money more than you did, they said. So they just kept you in jail where it was easier for the “pro life” people to deal with you.
And when they let you out of jail, you started right back with the drugs and I noticed I wasn’t getting regular nutritious meals any more, but the “pro life” people didn’t care.
Sometimes I heard you crying and I cried with you. Sometimes you would yell or scream, then cry.
I was sad, and hoped you would be better soon.
I wondered why you cried so much.
One day you cried almost all of the day. I hurt for you. I couldn’t imagine why you were so unhappy.
That same day, the most unusual thing happened.
It was the day you went to a special kind of clinic and said you wanted to have some sort of procedure done. And they told you they couldn’t do it right away because they had to show you a picture of me first. They had to show you that which you already knew was inside you, but obviously didn’t feel guilty enough about yet.
And even though I was about the size of my 18-year old thumbnail, they took their machines and shoved them inside of you against your will and I felt the vibrations and it did not feel good. It hurt.
Then I heard you cry, and I wondered what you were crying about. You said that in the picture you could see my little arms and my little legs and now you wanted to keep me.
And that made me feel good.
So did the drugs you kept taking because the same people who told you how important “life” is didn’t care whether or not I would be born with an addiction to the drugs you were taking.
Why would people say they are “pro life”, Mommy, and then treat you like you are garbage?
It was some time after all this that a very mean monster came into that warm, comfortable place I was in.
The walls around me began to squeeze me, I began screaming, but you never once tried to help me. Maybe you never heard me.
The monster got closer and closer as I was screaming and screaming,
“Mommy, Mommy, help me please; Mommy, help me.”
Complete terror is all I felt. That, and the cold. I was so cold.
I screamed and screamed until I thought I couldn’t anymore.
Then the monster pulled
It hurt so bad; the pain I can never explain.
It didn’t stop. Oh, how I begged it to stop.
I screamed in horror as it held me up under the bright lights that hurt my eyes and cut the cord that bound us together
I didn’t know it then, Mommy. But I realize it now as I hear the guards coming down the hallway to take me to the room where the “pro life” government is going to kill me
That’s the moment I was doomed. It was from that moment, I know I began dying.
It was obvious you had no way of taking care of me.
Though I was in such complete pain, from the hunger, from the rats chewing on my fingers. All I wanted was to see your face and hear you say how much you love me. I wanted to make all your tears go away.
I had so many plans to make you happy. That’s why I started to steal. First, it was small, unimportant things. Shiny stuff I thought you’d like. Then, it was money. Then, I gave up trying to make you love me.
I understand now, but then I thought you loved the drugs more than you loved me.
Though I was in utter pain and horror, I felt the pain of my heart breaking, above all.
I wanted more than anything to be your son.
I decided if drugs could ease your pain, they could do the same for me.
I never imagined the terrible things I would do to people. It never dawned on me when I was in that warm, comfortable place, that I could be capable of being so addicted to something that I would kill people to get the money to buy it.
I wanted to tell you that I love you before I was gone, but I never got the chance. Last year they found you dead in a hotel room with a needle in your arm and a rat in your mouth. The monster got you.
I had a dream last night.
You went to the clinic back when I was a little thumbnail and the doctors and nurses didn’t judge you. They didn’t play with your emotions and make you deal with things you clearly were not prepared to deal with.
You knew what I was and why I was there, and you knew there was no way in hell that you would be able to take care of me like a good mommy takes care of her baby.
But these “pro life” people, Mommy. The same “pro life” people who killed you because they said they didn’t want to spend the money or resources to help you off of your drug habit. The same “pro life” people who wouldn’t pay for a decent education for me as I grew up. These same “pro life” people who threw me in here to kill me. In my dream, they were nowhere to be found.
The doctors listened to you and let you have the procedure you wanted, the procedure that might have allowed you to get on a good program and get off the drugs and get a good job instead of having to do filthy things with filthy men to earn enough to score some rock and maybe a can of Spaghetti-Os.
In my dream, I felt myself rising.
I was being carried by a huge angel into a big beautiful place.
In the dream I still crying, but the physical pain was gone.
The angel took me to God and set me on His lap.
God said He loved me, and He was my Father. Then I was happy.
I asked Him what happened.
He said that my mommy loved me enough not to bring me into a world where I would suffer, where I would starve, where I would watch her have to do things to strange men just to get enough money to buy a bag of crack and some Beef-a-Roni. I thought about correcting Him and telling Him about the Spaghetti-Os, but it seemed that this just wasn’t the sort of issue one quibbles about with God.
He said that the “pro life” people who wanted to talk you out of having the procedure didn’t care about you, or me, or anyone but the rich people who wanted to be richer. They cared about me only as a way to make sure that my mommy stayed in some sort of domestic arrangement that didn’t make sense to God and sure as hell doesn’t make sense to me.
I’m writing this now and leaving it in my cell as a way to say that I love you and to tell you how much I wanted to be your good little boy.
I know you tried very hard to live and to take care of me.
The monster sucked me down into the black hole of poverty and ate up all my hope and that’s why I felt nothing when I killed three people in a convenience store for $35.
I got clean in jail, Mommy. Just like you did.
You’re safe from the monster now, Mommy. And as the guards here on Death Row have treated me with more respect than any of the “pro life” hypocrites who are out there right now waiting to watch me die.
I know that soon I will be safe from the monster, too!
I love you, Mommy. I just wish you would have gone through with the procedure.
One last question. If the “pro life” people say they love God so much, why do they make us suffer so much of their hatred and poverty before we can go be with Him?
I know the answer, Mommy. I know the answer.
They are the monsters.
See you soon,
Your Baby Boy
Copyright 2014 Liberaland
By: Bill Schmalfeldt
I no longer use Twitter or Facebook because they are evil. I do continue to blog at http://Schmalfeldt.org, where you can get information about other stuff I do, like comedy/parody CDs and MP3 downloads and audiobooks and such. Get yours now. When I'm dead, there will be a drastic price increase.
24 responses to THE LIBERAL GROUCH Presents: ‘Some Unfunny Satire’
Leave a Reply
You must be logged in to post a comment.
fantagor October 19th, 2014 at 16:16
I would have gone with the mother neglects the unwanted child to an early grave, but this works too I suppose.
fantagor October 19th, 2014 at 16:16
I would have gone with the mother neglects the unwanted child to an early grave, but this works too I suppose.
Kick Frenzy October 19th, 2014 at 18:52
Oof… pretty powerful stuff there.
It reads like something that should be passed around Facebook just as much as the little “pro-life” quips and stories get shared and reshared.
Kick Frenzy October 19th, 2014 at 18:52
Oof… pretty powerful stuff there.
It reads like something that should be passed around Facebook just as much as the little “pro-life” quips and stories get shared and reshared.
Spirit of America October 19th, 2014 at 19:51
Interesting one-sided approach to a very multifaceted and serious problem.
Bill Schmalfeldt October 19th, 2014 at 20:34
What’s the other side? Conservatives just LOVE them some fetuses, but once they’re born, they’re on their own.
Spirit of America October 19th, 2014 at 21:29
No responsibility what so ever on the girl, on the boy that got the girl pregnant; only that ‘she tried sooooo hard…’
I’m sorry, but if one doesn’t deal out the blame and the responsibility where it all resides, everyone’s participation/failings, you’ll never get any where.
The so-called conservatives will say “she did the drugs, she got pregnant(which is true), so it is her fault”
while
the so-called liberals will say “education is better than prison(which is true) and such”
and because neither side sees/admits all of the problem, they will just keep blaming the other side and nothing will get done.
Oh wait, that’s what’s been happening for quite some time now(on many different problems btw), did I really need to say it?
Bill Schmalfeldt October 19th, 2014 at 21:48
Conservatives are about BLAMING, not about SOLVING.
Spirit of America October 20th, 2014 at 02:24
When any group is told it is 100% their fault in a situation that it clearly isn’t, of course they will focus on blaming back. Any human, regardless of bent, because defensive when saddled w/100% of blame from someone who shares the blame.
And then it is all about blame, no time for solutions.
My view & experience watching.
NMAXXS October 20th, 2014 at 05:41
Both-siderism nonsense.
Fortunately, facts matter and the Tea Bagger Republicans are out to abolish abortion, not address the problems that result in the need for it (i.e. poverty).
Spirit of America October 20th, 2014 at 05:46
So in this story(article), the woman (or man that got her pregnant) has no responsibility/guilt in this?
NMAXXS October 20th, 2014 at 06:08
Are we discussing the blame game that you feel perfectly comfortable doing, even though you just criticized it in your previous post?
Spirit of America October 20th, 2014 at 12:34
Yes, we are, and if you read all my posts in this thread, you’ll notice I don’t ‘criticize’ the blame game itself, just when it is played 1/2 way. As in any problem solving, one has to know what components have what to do w/the overall problem.
e.g.:
Your car’s tires won’t hold air. You notice 2 things, the wheels have a flat spot in each, and the tires have leaky valves. You call the manufactures of both. Here’s what’s happening lately:
The wheel manufacturer blames the tires, the leaky valves(and he’s correct, they leak) but doesn’t own up to his part of the problem.
The tire manufacturer blames the wheels, the flat parts(and he’s correct, they are flat) but doesn’t own up to his part of the problem.
While they both ‘prove’ their cases(and keep in mind, they both have legitimate points), and blame the other, the problem never gets fixed during this.
In my view, we’ve become so obsessed with what the ‘other manufacturer’ did/does wrong, and so obsessed with ‘our manufacturer’ can never be wrong or part of the problem, the problem never gets fixed.
Now I didn’t see the email that got Bill to writing this, but I bet it was as one-sided in its approach, meaning placing the entire blame on the ‘girl in Bill’s story’ sort of speaking. And look at Bill’s response… reversing the debate and pointing out just the other side’s fault in it. And should this article ever make the rounds, you’ll see conservatives double-down, and ‘defend’ their side, blame the other, and it’ll bounce back, and bounce back, and bounce back, etc etc. And it has indeed done just that… this is not the first time this type of back/forth has happened on this very same topic…. it has been going on for decades.
And the solution that has been implemented using this technique of trouble-shooting/problem solving?
Kick Frenzy October 20th, 2014 at 00:38
It’s not meant to cover every single aspect of every facet of this issue.
It’s meant to be a representation of the other side of the coin of a similar letter” that was also “written by a fetus”, just from the “pro-life” view.
He says it right in the very beginning of the article, “The poem is ostensibly about a baby asking God why Mommy aborted him. It was such an obvious play on emotions, that I wrote a rebuttal that was more in touch with reality.”
Also, in case you missed it, multiple facets were addressed throughout the whole thing.
Spirit of America October 19th, 2014 at 19:51
Interesting one-sided approach to a very multifaceted and serious problem.
Bill Schmalfeldt October 19th, 2014 at 20:34
What’s the other side? Conservatives just LOVE them some fetuses, but once they’re born, they’re on their own.
Spirit of America October 19th, 2014 at 21:29
No responsibility what so ever on the girl, on the boy that got the girl pregnant; only that ‘she tried sooooo hard…’
I’m sorry, but if one doesn’t deal out the blame and the responsibility where it all resides, everyone’s participation/failings, you’ll never get any where.
The so-called conservatives will say “she did the drugs, she got pregnant(which is true), so it is her fault”
while
the so-called liberals will say “education is better than prison(which is true) and such”
and because neither side sees/admits all of the problem, they will just keep blaming the other side and nothing will get done.
Oh wait, that’s what’s been happening for quite some time now(on many different problems btw), did I really need to say it?
Bill Schmalfeldt October 19th, 2014 at 21:48
Conservatives are about BLAMING, not about SOLVING.
Spirit of America October 20th, 2014 at 02:24
When any group is told it is 100% their fault in a situation that it clearly isn’t, of course they will focus on blaming back. Any human, regardless of bent, becomes defensive when saddled w/100% of blame from someone who shares the blame.
And then it is all about blame, no time for solutions.
My view & experience watching.
NMAXXS October 20th, 2014 at 05:41
Both-siderism nonsense.
Fortunately, facts matter and the Tea Bagger Republicans are out to abolish abortion, not address the problems that result in the need for it (i.e. poverty).
Spirit of America October 20th, 2014 at 05:46
So in this story(article), the woman (or man that got her pregnant) has no responsibility/guilt in this?
NMAXXS October 20th, 2014 at 06:08
Are we discussing the blame game that you feel perfectly comfortable doing, even though you just criticized it in your previous post?
Spirit of America October 20th, 2014 at 12:34
Yes, we are, and if you read all my posts in this thread, you’ll notice I don’t ‘criticize’ the blame game itself, just when it is played 1/2 way. As in any problem solving, one has to know what components have what to do w/the overall problem.
e.g.:
Your car’s tires won’t hold air. You notice 2 things, the wheels have a flat spot in each, and the tires have leaky valves. You call the manufactures of both. Here’s what’s happening lately:
The wheel manufacturer blames the tires, the leaky valves(and he’s correct, they leak) but doesn’t own up to his part of the problem.
The tire manufacturer blames the wheels, the flat parts(and he’s correct, they are flat) but doesn’t own up to his part of the problem.
While they both ‘prove’ their cases(and keep in mind, they both have legitimate points), and blame the other, the problem never gets fixed during this.
In my view, we’ve become so obsessed with what the ‘other manufacturer’ did/does wrong, and so obsessed with ‘our manufacturer’ can never be wrong or part of the problem, the problem never gets fixed.
Now I didn’t see the email that got Bill to writing this, but I bet it was as one-sided in its approach, meaning placing the entire blame on the ‘girl in Bill’s story’ sort of speaking. And look at Bill’s response… reversing the debate and pointing out just the other side’s fault in it. And should this article ever make the rounds, you’ll see conservatives double-down, and ‘defend’ their side, blame the other, and it’ll bounce back, and bounce back, and bounce back, etc etc. And it has indeed done just that… this is not the first time this type of back/forth has happened on this very same topic…. it has been going on for decades.
And the solution that has been implemented using this technique of trouble-shooting/problem solving?
Kick Frenzy October 20th, 2014 at 00:38
It’s not meant to cover every single aspect of every facet of this issue.
It’s meant to be a representation of the other side of the coin of a similar letter” that was also “written by a fetus”, just from the “pro-life” view.
He says it right in the very beginning of the article, “The poem is ostensibly about a baby asking God why Mommy aborted him. It was such an obvious play on emotions, that I wrote a rebuttal that was more in touch with reality.”
Also, in case you missed it, multiple facets were addressed throughout the whole thing.