SCHMALFELDT’S SATYRICON: Want To End Racism? Stop Scaring The White Folks!
It really could not be more simple, you know. Racism, if it still exists in America, can be broken down into one word.
“Presentation”.
And whose fault is this? Is it “whitey” who is laying out the black man’s clothes for him, selecting his jewelry or forcing him to make pornographic videos with predominant white celebrities who are famous for making a pornographic video with a famous person of a darker complexion?
You know why there is so much hate and misunderstanding out there today compared to, say 100 years ago? Why is there so much conflict between the authorities and the the people we hired them to oppress?
It’s simple, really.
You black people have just got to learn that white people find you frightening. Stop scaring us, and we’ll ask the police to stop killing you when you’re not armed, choking you to death for selling loose cigarettes, or beating the black off of a 51-year old gramma with leather-gloved fists on the sides of highways where everyone can get it on video.
Don’t take my word for it.
White people, which image do you find more intimidating? This one?
Yo, man! Where yo’ daughter at?
Or this one?
Yas, SUH, boss! Ah’ll bring de car aroun’ front so y’all can gits to dat Klan meetin’.
OK, bad example. They’re both showing a large amount of teeth. But the second picture shows the black man in his natural state of happy servitude while the first one shows nothing but rage, anger, and a desire to have sex with your daughter.
Sill not convinced?
Which group would you rather see outside your door at night? This?
“Put your hands in the air, turn around, get down on your knees, and surrender your 4th Amendment rights.”
Or this?
You just KNOW they’re gonna tootle their jazz horns ALL NIGHT! And look at the size of those FEET! Another stereotpye? You know what they say about big feet? That’s right! Big shoes!
Of course, you’d choose the first picture. Those are police. They’re all in their places with white, shining faces, military gear at the ready to fight back the Negro hordes who have nothing but murder, liquor, looting and your daughters on their mind. The police are here to PROTECT the white people from the rampaging, angry blacks who are sick and tired of being slaughtered like sheep for the crime of walking while black.
Therefore, my message of peace to all Afro-Americans of the Negro persuasion is this. STOP SCARING DECENT WHITE PEOPLE! Your “wrap and hop” music, all that “Gangster” stuff.
And then, there’s that word. The one that rhymes with “Tigger” and we can’t say it because it offends you, even if we put an “a” instead of an “er” at the end and say “Tigga” instead of “Tigger.”
Why do YOU get to use that word when WE CAN’T? That was OUR WORD FIRST!!!
Semantics aside. If you would follow my advice and take a few public relations suggestions from someone, like me, who wants nothing but the best for you, you’ll get a lot farther in your quest to be treated equally and no longer be beaten like dogs, choked to death or shot in the top of the head while falling down because you frightened a policeman with your large blackness if you will just go back to your roots. You understand the concept of “Roots,” right?
Go back to doing what you’re good at. Menial service. Bowing and scraping. Make the white man smile. It’s like the time honored song “Old Man River” says…
Don’t look up,
Don’t look down.
You dast not make
De White Boss frown.
We know it’s not your fault for being black. But it’s not OUR fault, EITHER! And things will go a lot more smoothly for both of us if we see a lot less of this.,,
Izzat yo’ WIFE?
And a lot more of this.
“Camp Town Racetrack Five Miles Long, Oh De Doo Dah Day…”
JUST STOP BEING SO DOGGONE SCARY, and we, as God-fearing Judeo-Christian (not so much the first part) White people will treat you with the respect you think you deserve. Old habits die hard, not like some unarmed kid getting shot into the top of his head or some unarmed guy getting choked to death by a cop. These inbred whitebread attitudes will take some time to change.
But when they do, we promise! You can be as equal as us! And that’s the truth!
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Copyright 2014 Liberaland
By: Bill Schmalfeldt
I no longer use Twitter or Facebook because they are evil. I do continue to blog at http://Schmalfeldt.org, where you can get information about other stuff I do, like comedy/parody CDs and MP3 downloads and audiobooks and such. Get yours now. When I'm dead, there will be a drastic price increase.
38 responses to SCHMALFELDT’S SATYRICON: Want To End Racism? Stop Scaring The White Folks!
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Abby Normal August 19th, 2014 at 11:25
Schmalfeldt’s Satyricon? More like incredibly crude, tasteless, offensive satire.
Bill Schmalfeldt August 19th, 2014 at 12:12
If satire is not offensive to someone, it is not satire. Seems like this one hit the mark, “Abby.”
Abby Normal August 19th, 2014 at 12:18
So, in your mind, anything offensive is satire? Yeah, that makes a lot of sense Bill.
Bill Schmalfeldt August 19th, 2014 at 12:20
If it makes no sense, “Abby,” it’s because those are your words, not mine. Now, is there a constructive criticism here, or are you just a troll?
Abby Normal August 19th, 2014 at 12:24
As I already, wrote Bill, chemical analysis is not necessary when one steps in dog excrement.
“Oh, I accidentally stepped in dog excrement! I shall now offer some constructive criticism to help the dog in his future endeavours.”
Bill Schmalfeldt August 19th, 2014 at 12:25
My only advice is to be more careful where you walk, troll. Buh=bye.
Ormond Otvos August 19th, 2014 at 15:57
Yes, Bill, you’re right. Best to avoid this site. Buh-bye.
Abby Normal August 19th, 2014 at 11:25
Schmalfeldt’s Satyricon? More like incredibly crude, tasteless, vulgar, offensive satire (actually, dreck is a better word in this case).
Bill Schmalfeldt August 19th, 2014 at 12:12
If satire is not offensive to someone, it is not satire. Seems like this one hit the mark, “Abby.”
Abby Normal August 19th, 2014 at 12:18
So, in your mind, anything offensive is satire? Yeah, that makes a lot of sense.
Your “satire” piece on racism ended up being racist in and of itself – it’s laced with racist images and stereotypical, racist phrases. Example: “Yo, man! Where yo’ daughter at?”
As another poster commented, “epic fail.”
Bill Schmalfeldt August 19th, 2014 at 12:20
If it makes no sense, “Abby,” it’s because those are your words, not mine. Now, is there a constructive criticism here, or are you just a troll?
Abby Normal August 19th, 2014 at 12:24
As I already wrote Bill, chemical analysis is not necessary when one steps in dog excrement.
“Oh, I accidentally stepped in dog excrement! I shall now offer some constructive criticism to help the dog in his future endeavours.”
Bill Schmalfeldt August 19th, 2014 at 12:25
My only advice is to be more careful where you walk, troll. Buh=bye.
Ormond Otvos August 19th, 2014 at 15:57
Yes, Bill, you’re right. Best to avoid this site. Buh-bye.
uzza August 19th, 2014 at 11:53
Epic Fail.
Bill Schmalfeldt August 19th, 2014 at 12:11
Thank you. Your well-reasoned, point-by-point takedown of my meager offering will be most instructive in my future efforts to entertain while enlightening.
Abby Normal August 19th, 2014 at 12:14
Chemical analysis is not necessary to know that one has stepped in dog poo (notice I used a family-friendly word for dog excrement).
Bill Schmalfeldt August 19th, 2014 at 12:16
Tell John I said hello, “Abby.” And if you’d like to go clean your shoe, please don’t let me stop you.
Budda August 19th, 2014 at 12:40
I don’t know about ‘epic’ but it didn’t cross the finish line. Weak at best.
Bill Schmalfeldt August 19th, 2014 at 13:13
Not specific, but not rude either. What would have gotten it across that line?
Abby Normal August 19th, 2014 at 13:48
How to hurl vast amounts dog excrement across a finish line? A catapult should do nicely.
Abby Normal August 19th, 2014 at 17:51
Let me be specific. You attempted to satirize racism in America. Racism is a cancer that has been growing inside our country since the first Europeans came to these shores. Racists have murdered, tortured, enslaved and otherwise made life a living hell for millions of people over the past 300 years – and it still exists. Satirizing something as evil, hideous and hateful as racism is a tall order. It’s like trying to satirize serial killings. Or school shooters. Or Pedophilia. You tried. You failed.
The images you used are offensive. Your attitude seems to be, “well, I’m a liberal, so if I use them for the purpose of satire, it’s okay.” Well, no it’s not. Racist images are racist images, no matter who displays them. And your use of stereotypical phrases such as, “Yo, man! Where yo’ daughter at?” is offensive.
You tried. You ran it up the proverbial flagpole and no one saluted. Those who read it found it vulgar and offensive. Instead of getting angry with your critics, learn from it.
uzza August 19th, 2014 at 11:53
Epic Fail.
Bill Schmalfeldt August 19th, 2014 at 12:11
Thank you. Your well-reasoned, point-by-point takedown of my meager offering will be most instructive in my future efforts to entertain while enlightening.
Abby Normal August 19th, 2014 at 12:14
Chemical analysis is not necessary to know that one has stepped in dog poo (notice I used a family-friendly word for dog excrement).
Your article, with it’s racist images and phrases like, “Yo, man! Where yo’ daughter at?” and “Izzat yo’ WIFE?” is so wrong one hardly knows where to begin.
I’m sure your intentions were honorable but what you created was an abomination.
Bill Schmalfeldt August 19th, 2014 at 12:16
Tell John I said hello, “Abby.” And if you’d like to go clean your shoe, please don’t let me stop you.
Budda August 19th, 2014 at 12:40
I don’t know about ‘epic’ but it didn’t cross the finish line. Weak at best.
Bill Schmalfeldt August 19th, 2014 at 13:13
Not specific, but not rude either. What would have gotten it across that line?
Abby Normal August 19th, 2014 at 13:48
How to hurl vast amounts of dog excrement across a finish line? A catapult should do nicely.
Abby Normal August 19th, 2014 at 17:51
Then let me be specific.
The images you used are incredibly offensive. Racist images are racist images, no matter who displays them. And then you compounded it by using stereotypical phrases such as:
“Yo, man! Where yo’ daughter at?”
“Izzat yo’ WIFE?”
You came to the comments section expecting to bask in the applause. There wasn’t any. There were no positive comments. Not one. Those who read your “satire” found it clumsy, amateurish, vulgar and offensive. Doesn’t that tell you something?
Instead of getting angry with your critics and hurling insults at them, consider their comments and try to understand why they feel as they do. Learn from your mistakes.
praxis_62 August 19th, 2014 at 12:56
I don’t know what’s worse, this abortion of an attempt at cleverness, or the fact that there are as many comments from the author than everybody else combined.
A bad case of “last-worditis” Mr Schmalfeldt?
Bill Schmalfeldt August 19th, 2014 at 13:14
Did I give you a sad?
praxis_62 August 19th, 2014 at 18:42
The meme, around for a least a decade, is “haz a sad?”
Geez, try to keep up.
praxis_62 August 19th, 2014 at 12:56
I don’t know what’s worse, this abortion of an attempt at cleverness, or the fact that there are as many comments from the author than everybody else combined.
A bad case of “last-worditis” Mr Schmalfeldt?
Bill Schmalfeldt August 19th, 2014 at 13:14
Did I give you a sad?
praxis_62 August 19th, 2014 at 18:42
The meme, around for a least a decade, is “haz a sad?”
Geez, try to keep up.
Ormond Otvos August 19th, 2014 at 15:55
Bill, your delivery is good, although repetitious, but the images don’t hit the mark. Perhaps it’s because a LOT of people think exactly the way the satire pretends that they think wrongly.
I think your satire would be better if it actually expressed what might be wrong with protecting yourself and family against the scowling, unkempt, sexually predatory drug, car and jewelry culture.
It does exist, you know, and being nice to those in the present who are somehow protesting bad treatment in the past is a dangerous waste of time.
It seems sometimes like the conflict will never end, but sloppy satire isn’t helping. And you have a funny name. Like I should talk.
Ormond Otvos August 19th, 2014 at 15:55
Bill, your delivery is good, although repetitious, but the images don’t hit the mark. Perhaps it’s because a LOT of people think exactly the way the satire pretends that they think wrongly.
I think your satire would be better if it actually expressed what might be wrong with protecting yourself and family against the scowling, unkempt, sexually predatory drug, car and jewelry culture.
It does exist, you know, and being nice to those in the present who are somehow protesting bad treatment in the past is a dangerous waste of time.
It seems sometimes like the conflict will never end, but sloppy satire isn’t helping. And you have a funny name. Like I should talk.