SCHMALFELDT’S SATYRICON: Michael Brown Sacrificed On The Altar Of Obama
We are all one day closer to that day when President Obama takes away the rest of our rights as wights and throws all intellectual conservatives into the camp.
(It’s only one camp, not a very big one, once used by Boy Scouts in Maquoketa, Iowa. I camped there as a kid. It was nice, in a broken-down “Stalag 13” sort of fashion.)
The police shooting of the unarmed teenager Michael Brown who was shot six or 15 times, depending on the version of events, first in his unarmed arms and finally twice in his unarmed skull is just the latest step in the long trudge toward what the Pirate Bible refers to as “Ahhhhhhrrrrrrr-mageddon.”
This, gentle reader, was all part of the “Plan.”
The “Plan” is obvious. In fact, it is so obvious that I am now going to take several column inches to explain it to you.
The National Guard
The Governor of Missouri, “Tricky” Jay Nixon, has ordered the Missouri National Guard into Ferguson. Remember Kent State? “Four Dead in Ohio?”
“Tin Soldiers and Nixon‘s Coming…” (Emphasis added)
Coincidence? Probably. But hear me out.
All the National Guard will need is for one more Molotov Cocktail thrown by one sufficiently “black” black person to set one police cruiser ablaze and the resulting violence will make Kent State look like … well, peaceful. Like Kent State is now. It’s in Ohio for God’s sake.
While President Obama and Attorney General Holder chuckle and gloat like fat spiders in their silken web of lies glued by the tears of aborted babies, this single act in Ferguson will ignite a fire that will spread across the nation, from Ferguson, to St. Louis, to Chicago, east to Baltimore, Philadelphia and New York, west to Denver, San Francisco and Los Angeles, south to Dallas, New Orleans and Miami, but NOT North to Alaska as the late Johnny Horton once sang.
Any place where you have two or three black people to rub together, someone will cry “AMOK!” and let slip the dogs of war. (I’m looking at YOU, Donald Trump!)
(North Dakota will also escape unharmed. My late father — I call him that because he’s dead — once joked that North Dakota was too poor to have black folks, or black people as he called them, so we had to settle for Native Americans, who were there before we were, which was 1970 when we moved up from Iowa — poor, doomed Iowa.)
This is what Obama had in mind all along. This is why I appreciate the fact that a few of us still stand fast in the face of all the rights we wights have lost since Obama became president. Larry Klayman (and I Am Not Making This Up) wonders if it’s just a coincidence that Obama and Eric Holder are both black.
He eloquently wrote on his nursery wall with a piece of what can be best described as a “fibrous, self-produced, large, brown, smelly crayon” on August 15:
When was the last time We the American People heard President Barack Hussein Obama comment on the death of a white man at the hands of a black man? Indeed, in my native city of Philadelphia, alone, at least six white police officers have been slain by black men over the last few years. Not a peep from our Racist in Chief or his equally bigoted attorney general, Eric Holder, both of whom are not coincidentally black.
See? That’s how deep it goes! Holder and Obama PLANNED to be black from the moment their fathers’ licentious sperm hooked up (as the kids say) with their mothers’ promiscuous eggs. This was no accident.
Klayman, who is definitely NOT tooting out “Boogie Woogie Bugle Boy” on his RNC-issued dog whistle, is definitely NOT inciting racial hatred when he writes:
The reality is that we do not presently know who if anyone was at fault in provoking or causing the death of Michael Brown, who last Saturday was accused by the local police of having engaged in a convenience store robbery, just before his fatal shooting. But what makes my blood boil is that our so-called president and his attorney general jump to judgment, on a consistent and regular basis, against “whitey” and in favor of their black brothers.
At this rate, it is remarkable that Obama has not renamed the White House “the Black House.” Clearly, in his way of thinking, the Founding Fathers must have had conspiratorial racist motives in naming the people’s house accordingly.
You may think me mad. They thought Larry Klayman mad. But he may be right.
Some day.
Click here for reuse options!Copyright 2014 Liberaland
By: Bill Schmalfeldt
I no longer use Twitter or Facebook because they are evil. I do continue to blog at http://Schmalfeldt.org, where you can get information about other stuff I do, like comedy/parody CDs and MP3 downloads and audiobooks and such. Get yours now. When I'm dead, there will be a drastic price increase.
52 responses to SCHMALFELDT’S SATYRICON: Michael Brown Sacrificed On The Altar Of Obama
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Eric Trommater August 18th, 2014 at 17:42
Bill’s best satire to date. I actually shared it on my twitter feed (which is rare because I usually don’t get his stuff).
Bill Schmalfeldt August 18th, 2014 at 17:49
Generally, I just hit myself on the head with something heavy, then send whatever is on the screen when I wake up.
Eric Trommater August 18th, 2014 at 17:53
Ahh the million monkeys typing technique. It worked well here!
R.J. Carter August 18th, 2014 at 17:56
That reminds me: Did that Internet experiment (back around 2001 or so) of the Infinite monkeys writing Shakespeare ever turn out more than a sentence?
Eric Trommater August 18th, 2014 at 18:11
No.
Hirightnow August 18th, 2014 at 19:23
SURE it did!
Come on over to “MediaMatters”, and take a gander at some of our trolls; they’re poo-flinging has to be the result of such an experiment!
Eric Trommater August 18th, 2014 at 19:38
I did. Still didn’t see anything I’d call a sentence.
Hirightnow August 18th, 2014 at 19:53
Heh.
mmaynard119 August 18th, 2014 at 21:03
Yes. It’s called Infowars.
Hirightnow August 18th, 2014 at 19:21
So…you write vampire/werewolf fiction for tweens, usually?
/s
(Great satire, Bill!)
Eric Trommater August 18th, 2014 at 17:42
Bill’s best satire to date. I actually shared it on my twitter feed (which is rare because I usually don’t get his stuff).
Bill Schmalfeldt August 18th, 2014 at 17:49
Generally, I just hit myself on the head with something heavy, then send whatever is on the screen when I wake up.
Eric Trommater August 18th, 2014 at 17:53
Ahh the million monkeys typing technique. It worked well here!
R.J. Carter August 18th, 2014 at 17:56
That reminds me: Did that Internet experiment (back around 2001 or so) of the Infinite monkeys writing Shakespeare ever turn out more than a sentence?
Eric Trommater August 18th, 2014 at 18:11
No.
Hirightnow August 18th, 2014 at 19:23
SURE it did!
Come on over to “MediaMatters”, and take a gander at some of our trolls; they’re poo-flinging has to be the result of such an experiment!
Eric Trommater August 18th, 2014 at 19:38
I did. Still didn’t see anything I’d call a sentence.
Hirightnow August 18th, 2014 at 19:53
Heh.
mmaynard119 August 18th, 2014 at 21:03
Yes. It’s called Infowars.
Hirightnow August 18th, 2014 at 19:21
So…you write vampire/werewolf fiction for tweens, usually?
/s
(Great satire, Bill!)
Maxx44 August 18th, 2014 at 17:51
KKKlayman can lead the KKK to Ferguson.
Maxx44 August 18th, 2014 at 17:51
KKKlayman can lead the KKK to Ferguson.
Suzanne McFly August 18th, 2014 at 18:35
Where were these types before Obama? I always knew we had racist blowhards but it seems like they have greatly multiplied in the last six years.
John_St_John August 19th, 2014 at 11:13
Like any self replicating virus they are expanding at an alarming rate.
Suzanne McFly August 18th, 2014 at 18:35
Where were these types before Obama? I always knew we had racist blowhards but it seems like they have greatly multiplied in the last six years.
John_St_John August 19th, 2014 at 11:13
Like any self replicating virus they are expanding at an alarming rate.
OldLefty August 18th, 2014 at 18:58
Is this satire or real??
One cannot tell anymore.
Eric Trommater August 18th, 2014 at 19:02
http://www.avclub.com/article/facebook-add-satire-tag-automatically-renders-arti-208279
OldLefty August 18th, 2014 at 19:24
That’s cute.
And perhaps required for real.
Bill Schmalfeldt August 18th, 2014 at 21:05
Fastest way to kill comedy? Dissect it.
OldLefty August 19th, 2014 at 15:33
But you DO understand that with today’s GOP, what is appears to be a funny bit from The Onion, turns out to be serious??
OldLefty August 18th, 2014 at 18:58
Is this satire or real??
One cannot tell anymore.
Eric Trommater August 18th, 2014 at 19:02
http://www.avclub.com/article/facebook-add-satire-tag-automatically-renders-arti-208279
OldLefty August 18th, 2014 at 19:24
That’s cute.
And perhaps required for real.
Bill Schmalfeldt August 18th, 2014 at 21:05
Fastest way to kill comedy? Dissect it.
OldLefty August 19th, 2014 at 15:33
But you DO understand that with today’s GOP, what is appears to be a funny bit from The Onion, turns out to be serious??
whatthe46 August 18th, 2014 at 20:57
sweet JESUS my first migrane.
Bill Schmalfeldt August 18th, 2014 at 21:05
I hope you’re better now.
whatthe46 August 18th, 2014 at 20:57
sweet JESUS my first migrane.
Bill Schmalfeldt August 18th, 2014 at 21:05
I hope you’re better now.
burqa August 18th, 2014 at 22:03
Does this guy write for Sarah Palin?
And as I recall, they started calling it the White House after the War of 1812, when the building was burned and when they repaired it, used whitewash on the stone. After that they started calling it the White House.
Bill Schmalfeldt August 19th, 2014 at 07:46
It was called that, but the name did not become official until Teddy Roosevelt made it so in 1901.
John_St_John August 19th, 2014 at 11:15
Don’t ya just love history? Especially when it is not checked before a supposition is so aimlessly tossed about.
burqa August 18th, 2014 at 22:03
Does this guy write for Sarah Palin?
And as I recall, they started calling it the White House after the War of 1812, when the building was burned and when they repaired it, used whitewash on the stone. After that they started calling it the White House.
Bill Schmalfeldt August 19th, 2014 at 07:46
It was called that, but the name did not become official until Teddy Roosevelt made it so in 1901.
John_St_John August 19th, 2014 at 11:15
Don’t ya just love history? Especially when it is not checked before a supposition is so aimlessly tossed about.
Dwendt44 August 18th, 2014 at 23:38
“intellectual conservatives” Isn’t that an oxymoron?
Dwendt44 August 18th, 2014 at 23:38
“intellectual conservatives” Isn’t that an oxymoron?
fancypants August 19th, 2014 at 02:25
satire or not
if gwb were in office today there would be a new jail built for all the protesters along with medal of honors handed out for all who did most of the shooting.
fancypants August 19th, 2014 at 02:25
satire or not
if gwb were in office today there would be a new jail built for all the protesters along with medal of honors handed out for all who did most of the shooting.
John_St_John August 19th, 2014 at 11:12
I love good snarkasm. Bill, this was great snarkasm. Well done sir, well done.
John_St_John August 19th, 2014 at 11:12
I love good snarkasm. Bill, this was great snarkasm. Well done sir, well done.