What A Long, Strange Trip It’s Been

Posted by | May 29, 2014 16:49 | Filed under: Bill Schmalfeldt Contributors Opinion Politics Top Stories


This is a true story.

I wanted to send something to the Federal Courthouse in Baltimore. According to the Google map, that’s 11.8 miles from my home.

My wife paid the postage for this rather large package, paid the certified delivery price and the return receipt price.

This was on May 20.

At 6:37 the same evening, the package was sorted through the USPS Sort Facility and went flying out the door.

And, as promised, it arrived the next day.

Now, keep this in mind. The USPS Sort Facility in Baltimore is located at 900 E. Fayette Street. A bit less than a mile from the ultimate location of the package. If you felt like carrying the package by hand, you would go 8 blocks west on Fayette, turn south on Charles Street, then walk three blocks.

Except, the package did not arrive at the USPS Sort Facility in Baltimore. It arrived at the USPS Sort Facility in West Palm Beach, Florida.

Oh, they got it there quick. But they only missed the mark by 1,040 miles.

Isn’t that just the silliest thing? The package WAS less than a mile away from where it was supposed to go! So the Post Office in Baltimore decided, for some reason, the best thing to do would be to send it to their sorting facility in West Palm Beach, Florida.

And there it sat for a day while, no doubt, postal workers wondered just why in God’s name was a package mailed from Elkridge, Maryland, 12 miles to the Baltimore sorting facility (less than a mile from the courthouse), all the way down to the Sunny East Coast of Florida.

It arrived in Florida at 11:22 am, and they must have spent the whole afternoon, evening and much of the next morning wondering just how in the hell it was they were in receipt of this Priority Mail package. But they shipped it out — after nearly 17 hours in Florida.

Did they send it back to the sorting facility in Baltimore? Why no. That would be embarrassing to the people in Baltimore. And the good folks at the USPS, they look out for each other.

No, it was sent to Sykesville, Maryland — another voyage of nearly 1,100 miles. Whereas it only took 29 hours to get from Baltimore to Florida, it took 52 hours for my Priority Mail package, which was destined for a location about 12 miles from my house, to the Sykesville Sort Facility — 31 miles away from the US Federal Courthouse in Baltimore. It left the Baltimore Sort Facility, less than a mile from the courthouse at 6:37 p.m. on May 21. Now, after a round trip of about 2,200 miles, my Priority Mail package, estimated delivery date of May 21, was only 31 miles away from its target on May 24 at 10:03 am. But it did not linger there long.

A mere 10 minutes later, the package was out the door in Sykesville. Out for DELIVERY!

And delivered it was.

Tuesday, May 27, 11:07 a.m., a mere 73 hours after leaving Sykesville, the Priority Mail package arrived at its final donation.

It only took two hours shy of seven days and over 2,200 miles to deliver my Priority Mail package the 11.8 miles from my front door to the Clerk’s office at the US Courthouse.

Now THAT’S SERVICE!!!

 

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Copyright 2014 Liberaland
By: Bill Schmalfeldt

I no longer use Twitter or Facebook because they are evil. I do continue to blog at http://Schmalfeldt.org, where you can get information about other stuff I do, like comedy/parody CDs and MP3 downloads and audiobooks and such. Get yours now. When I'm dead, there will be a drastic price increase.

2 responses to What A Long, Strange Trip It’s Been

  1. Ramona May 30th, 2014 at 08:16

    If this wasn’t so pathetic it would be hilarious. (Okay, it’s funny, you have to admit.) Sharing.
    Sort of made my day, but then I’m not in charge of the Post Office. I imagine they might not like it nearly as much.

  2. Ramona May 30th, 2014 at 08:16

    If this wasn’t so pathetic it would be hilarious. (Okay, it’s funny, you have to admit.) Sharing.
    Sort of made my day, but then I’m not in charge of the Post Office. I imagine they might not like it nearly as much.

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