For The Wingnuts, The Truth Is Out There. Way Out There

Our hero, Ex-National Security Council spokesdude Tommy Vietor, wants to know what it is that Wingnuttia thinks that the Obama White House is covering up, i.e., benghazi! Benghazi! BENGHAZI!!1! birtherism:

“And yet no one has explained to me what it is that was covered up,” Vietor responded. “What I do know is that Fox News and right-wing radio has constructed this alternate reality where Barack Obama watched video drone footage of the incident as it happened, where the CIA was told to stand down, where the military could have come to their rescue and they didn’t because some choice was made not to.”

“All of those things have been debunked in the real world, but in the Fox News- hashtag-Benghazi world, these are things people still believe,” he added.

Oliver Willis provides young Tommy with a tongue-in-cheek answer: The Story of Barack Obama (As Told By Conservatives). We’ll enter Mr. Willis’ narrative at the Benghazi moment:

During the election, the attack on Benghazi happened. When it happened Obama issued an order for a major cover-up and a memo was edited. Like, a lot. But Obama hid all of this because he knew it would be the silver bullet to stop his campaign or a future Clinton campaign.

At the same time, Tea Party groups were filing for non-profit status. Obama knew these groups would have put up AWESOME ads that would destroy him and his presidency, so he ordered the IRS to investigate these groups. He didn’t tell the IRS to audit anyone or use its powers against them, he instead did the least destructive thing because Obama is super diabolical.

Then he and his campaign rigged the polls. In reality, Romney was headed towards a Reagan-style landslide, just as George Will and Michael Barone and Dick Morris had predicted. Instead, the media and Obama fixed the polls and made it so all of them showed him winning, which convinced low information voters (aka the black ones) that Obama was winning.

Obama also got the Bureau of Labor Statistics to fake the unemployment rate. He decided against just cutting it in half and instead had it drop just a marginal amount, because he is America’s most evil president.

On Election Day, thanks to rigging the polls and hiding Benghazi and the IRS and the work of the New Black Panthers, Obama was re-elected. This was also helped by forcing Romney’s election day tool, Orca, to crash.

So far, Wingnuttia has not found a conspiracy around the ability of the President to breathe, but they are working on it.

By: Tengrain

Fully caffeinated with twice the sugar, unabashedly liberal. Award-winning Americans United blogger, blogs at Mock Paper Scissors, and sometimes at Crooks and Liars.

You can follow @Tengrain on Twitter, or you might see him enjoying coffee somewhere in Seattle at any given moment of the day.