BREAKING SATIRE: Gunmen Storm Libyan Congress, Republicans Convene Emergency Caucus to Blame Hillary

At 12:25 this afternoon (April 29, 2014), Agence France-Presse announced on its Twitter feed that armed men have stormed the Libyan Congress. At the moment there are no further details. CNN is continuing to talk about Malaysia Flight 370. MSNBC is dwelling on what Gov. Chris Christie (R-NJ) will say during their press conference this afternoon, both networks are breaking in with coverage of Donald Sterling and the fact that he doesn’t much cotton to African Americans (sorry about the pun there, just noticed it), but our Republican leaders in Congress are on the ball. They are not sleeping at the switch. They have called for an emergency caucus of the House and Senate GOP leadership to develop talking points on how to blame whatever in God’s name is happening in Tripoli at this moment on presumptive Democratic Presidential Candidate Hillary Clinton.

“It has that woman’s toothprints all over it, whatever it is,” said Rep. Lester Smelgerson, Republican representative of Montana’s 15th Congressional District.  “She personally killed them four Americans in Bengoozy back in ought 12 or whenever it was, so you just know she’s got something to do with a swarming pack of Mooslims crashing into the Libyan congress.”

A further check of breaking news shows…nothing new. The Associated Press reported that the interim Libyan parliament was planning to elect a new prime minister today.  Apparently, someone doesn’t want that particular development to… uh… develop. A further check showed that Montana does not have a 15th Congressional district. When confronted with this, Rep. Smelgerson made a face at the camera, hollered “Baba Booey, Baba Booey, Howard Stern’s Pee Pee!” and then ran away. At this time, we can find no other news agency mentioning any sort of attack on the Libyan Parliament. Not that we doubt Agence France-Press, which… as far as we know… is a legitimate news organization with a Twitter account and everything. See? So, here’s what we know at the moment. According to their Twitter feed, Agence France-Press says Armed men have stormed the Libyan congress. Whether this was a planned event, on the agenda, or the men are just delivering firearms to Libyan members of Parliament, we don’t know. Hang on… we’ll check the other news services again. Hmmm…. still nothing. But CNN has breaking news about Flight 370! Nothing about armed men storming the Libyan parliament, though. Just a company that says it’s found a plane, a claim that is discounted by the official searchers. But that’s news, right? MSNBC is leading with the Donald Sterling story. Anything about armed men storming the Libyan parliament? Nope. Even AFP’s home page has nothing on this shocking development, which we’re sure is really happening and is probably Hillary’s fault. We just hope everybody’s OK and that this turns out to be a non-story or a mistake or something like that. But the GOP will still develop anti-Hillary talking points about it. Bet the farm. Let’s check Google News. Oooh! Top Story! I just love it when news agencies cover other news agencies as news stories. Let’s narrow the search to “Libya”. Nope. Nothing new. Let’s check AFP again. Ah! An update.

Tripoli (AFP) – Gunmen stormed the seat of Libya’s General National Congress in Tripoli Tuesday as it was preparing to elect a new prime minister, an MP said.

“Armed men have besieged the congress, but we do not know the motive of the attack,” Tahar Mokni told AFP.

“We suspended our proceedings, and the vote has been postponed until next week.”

Well. OK then. They’ll vote next week. Assuming any of them survive. Hard to vote when armed gunmen are storming the place. Can’t hear yourself think, let alone vote on something as important as who your prime minister is going to be. Remember. You read it here first. Baba Booey!

By: Bill Schmalfeldt

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