CNN: Russia Poised To Perhaps, Maybe, We’re Not Sure But They Might, Invade Ukraine

Now that the overnight numbers have been digested and checked against the bottom line, the news directors at CNN have apparently made the decision that its viewers are growing weary of watching flight simulators over “simulated water” pretending to search for pretend debris from a Malaysian aircraft that disappeared without a clue, without a trace, but not without weeks of 24/7 coverage by the “Most Trusted Name in News.”

Now, looking around for something new to get the eyeballs glued to CNN, they’ve come up with something else to scare us. “40,000 Russian troops are massed along the Ukraine border and could invade their neighbor within 12 hours of getting an order from Rootin’ Tootin’ Putin!”

Now, I might be pardoned for casting an askance glance at this. But when I hear the 40,000 troops are poised along a border waiting for the order to attack, and then I hear that they could cross the border within 12 hours after receiving the order, I find myself forced to wonder just how “poised to attack” 40,000 troops can be if it would take them 12 hours to hurl themselves like Mongols over the Ukrainian Frontier.

I mean, 12 hours? How is Putin planning to issue this order? Carrier pigeon? We know that the Russians don’t have quite the high level of technology we in the capitalist West have… but even a rotary telephone call to the commander of the Russian forces would take but a few minutes. And why would it take the Russians 12 hours to mobilize troops that are poised and champing at the bit to do some good, old-fashioned Soviet-style invading?

CNN doesn’t care. They just want you to watch their TV channel. If a bit of actual news enters the frontal cortex of your brain, they wouldn’t moan. But that’s not their job after all. With the main headline on their website at the moment reading “IT COULD TAKE JUST 12 HOURS” — they’ve created the kind of tension and apprehension made for good TV. Tune in! You don’t want to miss the invasion. It could happen at any time. As soon as 12 hours. Maybe 12-1/2 if there’s a headwind. But they look pretty invadey at this moment. They’ve massed. They’re poised. They’re just waiting on the starting pistol from Moscow, and then, within 12 hours, they could move that first Russian tank across the border and you will want to make sure you are tuned to CNN when it happens.

Which raises another question. Conservatives have been painting President Obama as a limp-wristed, iron-fisted, mom jeans-wearing, wrapped in the mantle of his self-proclaimed greatness, weak-kneed, uppity, wishy-washy, arrogant, weakling tyrant. And they may be right.

But wanna bet that if the US military received orders at this moment to invade, oh, let’s say Iran or some place like that, they wouldn’t have the job done in a lot quicker than 12 hours.

Then again, while conservatives love the image of bare-chested, tiger-wrestling, bear-eating, manly bareback horse riding Vlad, imagine the right wing howling you’d hear if the President, OUR President, in America, our country, as in “I Pledge Allegiance to the Flag of…” were seen doing any of the above things. Jeez, the guy got pilloried for appearing with Zach Galafanakis!

By: Bill Schmalfeldt

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