Satire: SCOTUS McCutcheon Ruling Great News For America!

I know that readers come to this website looking for a liberal viewpoint on the issues of the day, but sometimes I feel it’s necessary to write something that flies in the face of common sense and shatters the preconceived notions that so many conservatives have about the way liberals think about things.

For instance, the Supreme Court decision striking down the former limits on aggregate contributions to political candidates as being a violation of free speech? GREAT NEWS!

Think of the positive implications now that the wealthiest 1% of Americans have complete control of who gets elected to what! Now, we the people don’t have to pay any attention at all to the back and forth policy debating that would have been caused by a SCOTUS that didn’t believe “corporations are people” and that “rich people know what’s best”.

Now, we can focus all our attention on CNN’s wall-to-wall coverage of the Malaysian aircraft mystery, analyzing every misstatement, every announcement later debunked, undebunked, and then re-debunked.  How could we pay attention to such important things as the final episode of “How I Met Your Mother” if we had to divert our ever-decreasing attention span on things like who should make the decisions that affect all our lives?

This is great news. Now we can all go about our business, confident in the knowledge that we no longer have to worry about any of that boring “politics” stuff.

Senator Bernie Sanders (I-VT), a Socialist, whined in a whiny Daily Kos diary that was obviously posted before the McCutcheon decision was handed down, or else he would have whined about that as well on his whiny diary on the whiny liberal whine site:

The disastrous 2010 Supreme Court ruling in Citizens United threw out campaign funding laws that limited what wealthy individuals and corporations could spend on elections. Since that ruling, campaign spending by Adelson, the Koch brothers and a handful of other billionaire families has fundamentally undermined American democracy. If present trends continue, elections will not be decided by one-person, one-vote, but by a small number of very wealthy families who spend huge amounts of money supporting right-wing candidates who protect their interests.

This process — a handful of the wealthiest people in our country controlling the political process — is called “oligarchy.”

No, Sen. Sanders. It’s called “freedom.” It’s called setting “the people” free from the worry about which candidates to support and who deserves to sit in the offices that decide how our money is spent. No more being forced to watch those boring political commercials as we focus our attention on our Netflix or “On Demand” TV viewing. The broadcasters make out like bandits, which can only mean more and better entertainment for us all!

Besides. We all know that rich people are better than we are. That’s why they’re rich. And smart. They know how to look out for themselves, as this decision shows. It’s time we took a page from that book (if you can still find a bookstore — or a book) and realized Ayn Rand was correct when she may have written, “When you give a man a vote, he feels good for a few moments. But when you teach a man that his vote doesn’t matter, it frees up his weak mind to concentrate on his meaningless life of drudgery, despair and worthlessness. And that will motivate him into bettering himself. Or not. Not my problem.”

I couldn’t have said it better myself.

Remember, whatever is good for the Koch Brothers is good for Sheldon Adelson. And isn’t that what we should be thinking about today?

By: Bill Schmalfeldt

I no longer use Twitter or Facebook because they are evil. I do continue to blog at http://Schmalfeldt.org, where you can get information about other stuff I do, like comedy/parody CDs and MP3 downloads and audiobooks and such. Get yours now. When I'm dead, there will be a drastic price increase.