Woman Accused Of Decapitating Ex-Girlfriend’s Sex Toys

Readers are invited to provide their own completely gratuitous though highly appropriate joke including the words “Lorena Bobbitt” and “mohel”:

This fight came to a head when the sex toys got decapitated.

That’s the accusation that Florida woman Lakenya Bristol, 32, is hurling at her former girlfriend, 37-year-old Regina Watts.

Bristol was arrested in mid-November for domestic violence, according to The Smoking Gun. After that, Watts packed up Bristol’s belongings and told her to move. When Bristol went through her items, she saw her three dildos, but their tops had been chopped off.

According to a police report uncovered by The Smoking Gun, Watts denied any sex toy sabotage and said the dildo damage must have come after she gave Bristol back her stuff.

Investigators in Indian River County have since closed the probe, citing a “lack of further investigative leads.”

By: dave-dr-gonzo

David Hirsch, a.k.a. Dave "Doctor" Gonzo*, is a renegade record producer, video producer, writer, reformed corporate shill, and still-registered lobbyist for non-one-percenter performing artists and musicians. He lives in a heavily fortified compound in one of Manhattan's less trendy neighborhoods.

* Hirsch is the third person to use the pseudonym, a not-so-veiled tribute to journalist and author Hunter S. Thompson, with the permission of his predecessors Gene Gaudette of American Politics Journal (currently webmaster and chief bottlewasher at Liberaland) and Stephen Meese at Smashmouth Politics.