Marco Rubio Steps On A Rake (Again)

Posted by | April 13, 2015 20:30 | Filed under: Contributors Opinion Politics Tengrain

Republish
Reprint



Rejoice, Liberalanders, our day of Jubilee is upon us: Marco Rubio has announced his entry into the 2016 Goat Rodeo!

We have it on good authority that he is well-hydrated, and that the rakes have been (allegedly) locked away to keep the Cuban fabulist from stepping on them, at least until he is finished with his speech.

Our friends over at the FiveThirtyEight blog are contending that Rubio is the right stuff, so to speak:

“Florida Sen. Marco Rubio’s campaign, which officially kick[ed] off Monday, has so far attracted paltry support from Republican voters, according to polls in Iowa and New Hampshire, as well as nationally. He’s down near Chris Christie! Yet, when we talk about him in the FiveThirtyEight office, we usually put Rubio in the top tier, in front of everyone except Jeb Bush and Scott Walker, the two candidates at the top of the polls.”

“Why? Rubio is both electable and conservative, and in optimal proportions. He’s in a position to satisfy the GOP establishment, tea party-aligned voters and social conservatives. In fact, Rubio’s argument for the GOP nomination looks a lot like Walker’s, and Rubio is more of a direct threat to the Wisconsin governor than he is to fellow Floridian Bush.”

And they go on with charts and vast statistical analysis for why he is the candidate to beat. To me, watching Rubio is rather like watching Bogart in the Cane Mutiny figuring out about the strawberries: you sense he is nuts, but you’re not sure how nuts.

I’m sort of paraphrasing the FiveThirtyEight technical analysis for why the brainiacs think Rubio is the It Boy: Wall-eyed git Scott Walker hired to enrich the Koch family fortune in the midwest has pretty much sold-off his state to the highest bidders and left a bad taste in everyone’s mouth, Sen. Ted Cruz is more likely to be Murdered on the Orient Express (that’s a verb, right?) by everyone in the establishment wing of party, and The Smart Bush comes to us pre-tainted by being the brother to the man who is by most accounts the worst president of the modern age and destroyer of the world economy, so that leaves us with Marco Rubio. The pundits seem giddy about it for some reason.

But when we look at Rubio, the Savior of the Republican Party, we do not see any natural constituencies: every one of his positions kills off support from a group he needs to attract, especially young people. And as he said to George Stephanopolous, “I think this country’s at a generational moment where it needs to decide not what party it wants in charge but what kind of country are we going to want to be moving forward.”

As for me, I’m sort of looking forward to this announcement, what with being a fan of good gardening implements, and appreciating that Rubio is a master of stepping on rakes for speed and accuracy.

Let’s get into it. Here’s what we know about his policies (so far, but expect more clarity later today) and let’s see if he steps on any rakes:

  • You might recall that Rubio bet his entire public career that the Republicans would want to do something on immigration following the 2012 public shaming that Willard Romney put them through, and so Rubio developed immigration legislation that was actually pretty much bipartisan and comprehensive. The base went berserk, and Rubio practically had to go underground in the Witless Protection Program. (And yes, I meant to say that.)  It’s an issue that he dare not raise again! And you better believe that his challengers will raise it right away. But, also/too: Legal voting, immigrants also know that Cubans have a very special immigration status that others do not have, and might not look kindly on his reversal. It will seem like more of the same, or more likely, I got mine, Juan, get your own.

Did he step on the rake? THWACK!

  • Rubio is proposing a $2.4 Billion tax cut that is even bigger than Dubya’s (from which we still are not returned to normal). Rubio’s cut is designed to make all investment income—including dividends—tax free (thus making Willard Romney part of his own 47% that doesn’t pay any taxes), but you know, the Poors won’t get any. The deficit from this tax plan will dwarf Chimpy’s destruction of the economy. And yet… he’s managed to irk the Drown It In The Bathtub Crowd. You see, he’s left the tax rates alone, which is Heresy! BURN HIM!

THWACK!

  • Rubio also plans to cut or kill Obamacare, and that means returning to the days of pre-existing conditions. He doesn’t seem to know about the 11 million people or so who have signed up for Obamacare, so taking it away from them seems kinda, well, stupid. This includes older people, working people, young people on their parents’ policies, and so forth being tossed into the loving embrace of our old insurance market.

THWACK!

  • Rubio has been to the theocrat’s well and drunk deeply. He has stated, publicly that he would only nominate Supreme Court Justices who would overturn Roe V. Wade, and presumably remove the so-called right to privacy upon which it is built.With a lot of the current Justices being at/near retirement age or death (I think I read that at least four of them are expected to retire during the next 8 years), the next president will have the opportunity to leave a mark on the country that will be felt well into the middle of this century.

THWACK!

  • And as long as we’re already talking about theocracy, we might as well mention that Rubio is vehemently opposed to Marriage Equality, and also opposes the Employment Non-Discrimination Act. He is especially peeved that LGBTQ people are using the courts to get their rights protected, instead of letting the states keep the LGBTQ oppressed as God intended. Rubio might recall from his law school days that the Supremes are also the people who overturned interracial marriage bans.

THWACK!

  • I’m not sure if he invented the weasel-words, “I’m not a scientist, but…” he seemed to pioneer their usage to deflect anything other than Republican orthodoxy on Climate Change. I cannot imagine that this stance will go over well with young people or anyone other than the extraction industries, especially coal and oil.

THWACK!

  • And needless to say, Rubio considers himself to be an expert on foreign policy, now that he has is on the Senate Foreign Relations Committee (since the beginning of this year, anyway). That he is a hawk in undeniable, and that besides wanting a hot war in the middle east, he would like to have a cold war with Cuba.

And so there you pretty much have all the rakes and he’s stepped on each one: The base won’t trust him because of immigration, the Trickle-downers don’t like his tax rates and won’t support them; the so-called Libertarian wing will despise both his hawk-like positioning but also his wanting to do away with privacy rights, the women (and the men who love them) will be avoiding his stance on choice, and the LGBTQ people and their friends (mostly the young set) will oppose his take on marriage equality. And the one group that should support him, Latinos, are already running away from him.

I’m sure that there are other rakes scattered about the yard, too. It will be fun to watch.

It’s been brought to my attention that Rake-Stepping might be a foreign concept to some readers. So for your education, here it is:

Don’t try this at home kids, unless you are Marco Rubio. He’s a professional.

Click here for reuse options!
Copyright 2015 Liberaland
By: Tengrain

Fully caffeinated with twice the sugar, unabashedly liberal. Award-winning Americans United blogger, blogs at Mock Paper Scissors, and sometimes at Crooks and Liars.

You can follow @Tengrain on Twitter, or you might see him enjoying coffee somewhere in Seattle at any given moment of the day.

38 responses to Marco Rubio Steps On A Rake (Again)

  1. Anomaly 100 April 13th, 2015 at 20:35

    I’m loving those thwacks. I’m an awful person like that.

    • tracey marie April 13th, 2015 at 23:06

      I loved that article

  2. katkelly57 April 13th, 2015 at 20:46

    Put out a shovel.

  3. Guy Lauten April 13th, 2015 at 21:17

    Uh uh uh uh uh uh uh

  4. Robyn Ryan April 13th, 2015 at 21:24

    This is an election, not fantasy sports.

  5. Robert M. Snyder April 13th, 2015 at 21:36

    According to the Pew website:

    “Roughly half of Hispanics say abortion should be illegal in all or most circumstances”

    Source: http://www.pewforum.org/2014/05/07/chapter-9-social-and-political-views/

    Celebrate diversity. This is what it looks like.

    • arc99 April 13th, 2015 at 21:51

      As the axiom says, the only poll that counts is the one they hold on election day.

      Whatever the opinions of the Hispanic community on abortion might be, it is clear that being pro choice is not an impediment to earning their votes.

      More numbers from the good folks at Pew.

      http://www.pewhispanic.org/2012/11/07/latino-voters-in-the-2012-election/

      Latino Voters in the 2012 Election

      Obama 71%; Romney 27%

    • Kick Frenzy April 13th, 2015 at 21:58

      Keep in mind that they get that high of an anti-abortion number because of the religious Hispanic opinion.

      But if you look at the non-religious Hispanic response, it’s pretty much the opposite result.

    • majii April 13th, 2015 at 22:59

      What some people don’t seem to understand is that not every American is a single-issue voter. There are other issues of concern to them besides abortion, issues like education, climate change, healthcare, and income/paycheck issues. I think most Americans don’t like abortion, but it’s not the only thing they think about when voting for a politician. I don’t like abortion, but I could never vote for any politician who thinks it’s his right to intervene between myself and my doctor, wants to choose war as a first option to dealing with any conflict, refuses to fully fund education while claiming America is an “exceptional” nation, aligns him/herself with a foreign leader to the detriment of his own country, refuses to address climate change, and refuses to realize that our aging infrastructure needs attention, and this is only my short list.

    • tracey marie April 13th, 2015 at 23:05

      and yet they still vote against the gop/teabaggers in large numbers

    • Obewon April 14th, 2015 at 00:38

      Your Rube is delusional: Nationally just 20% to 10% think they’l ignore the Constitution and SCOTUS case law. Both legally guarantee a mere 10 weeks for any women’s right to choose, and up until 28 week fetal viability with her Dr’s approval.

    • fahvel April 14th, 2015 at 04:12

      brilliant non sequitur but what is it? Noise with no rationale.

      • rg9rts April 14th, 2015 at 05:41

        Don’t confuse Bobby…looks like he is a one issue voter and assumes that everyone else is

        • CandideThirtythree April 14th, 2015 at 23:37

          You have him pegged old buddy, as usual you are an excellent judge of character. ;-)

      • Robert M. Snyder April 14th, 2015 at 08:09

        I think it’s what they call an inconvenient truth.

        • OldLefty April 14th, 2015 at 08:32

          I think the point is that they do not often vote on that issue.

          • Robert M. Snyder April 14th, 2015 at 08:49

            I get that. But the point of the article was that Rubio “stepped on a rake”. If expressing concerns about abortion is “stepping on a rake”, then a majority of Hispanics are stepping on rakes with him. Being pro-life is not exactly a fringe position.

            • OldLefty April 14th, 2015 at 10:18

              Is this about just Hispanics?

              What does “pr-life have to do with abortion?

              • Robert M. Snyder April 14th, 2015 at 10:33

                What does gun control have to do with homicide?

                • OldLefty April 14th, 2015 at 10:46

                  It helps to prevent it?

            • Kick Frenzy April 14th, 2015 at 11:43

              It’s not that he’s expressing concerns about abortion, it’s that he has stated he would only nominate people who would overturn Roe v Wade to the Supreme Court.
              While an anti-abortion position (it’s not pro-life) isn’t a fringe topic, basing nominations for the Supreme Court on their willingness to outlaw a medical procedure is not the way this country is supposed to be run.

              So, the ardent pursuit of stripping hard fought rights is the rake he’s stepping on… not that he’s anti-abortion.

              • Robert M. Snyder April 14th, 2015 at 12:30

                Good explanation. Makes sense.

            • Bunya April 14th, 2015 at 20:46

              In every election cycle since 1973, republican candidates have pledged to overturn Roe v. Wade, but once elected, this constant campaign promise has been packaged up and thrown into the closet, to be dragged out in time for the next campaign.

              Roe v. Wade will never be overturned, because if it were, republicans would have nothing to run on.

              • Robert M. Snyder April 14th, 2015 at 23:07

                You know, I honestly don’t understand why some Republicans talk about repealing Roe. It seems to me that most Americans are reasonably happy with the laws we have.

                At the one extreme, we have some people who are concerned about fertilized eggs. At the other extreme we have people who support partial-birth abortion of a healthy, full-term fetus. At the one extreme, it is practically spermicide. At the other extreme, it is practically infanticide.

                Fortunately, the vast majority of Americans reject both extremes.

                • Bunya April 15th, 2015 at 09:46

                  It’s a campaign tactic, that’s all. Roe v. Wade won’t be overturned and they know it, however the republicans need campaign rhetoric, and the abortion debate gives them a platform.

  6. Dammitjim April 13th, 2015 at 21:56

    I listened to (most) of his announcement. He sounds like a 17 year old debate student, not a President. I really think that the GOP has a strategy for splitting the the Hispanic vote 3 ways between Hillary, Cruz and Rubio…but don’t quote me on that. Should be a fun ’16 anyway.
    I can’t wait to live through the second roaring 20’s!

  7. Guy Lauten April 13th, 2015 at 21:59

    Marco’s a wannbe frat boy who just doesn’t get it that to the people he likes he will always be The Help. Poor Marco.

  8. Kick Frenzy April 13th, 2015 at 22:10

    Rubio has always seemed young and out of his league to me.
    At least, his demeanor does.

    But what I really wanted to mention was… why bash Bush by way of what his brother did?
    That’s a bit weak as a main reason not to vote for him.
    To me, it seems a much better way to cut the legs off his high horse would be to keep reminding people of what he did to the Schiavo family.
    There was so much unconstitutional and illegal activity done by Jeb Bush and different government agencies/branches that it’s mind boggling how he could’ve been allowed to continue to serve in any public position.
    It was monstrous and extremely unAmerican.

    THAT is what really taints Jeb Bush.
    His willingness to spit on the American Constitution and the American people.
    He may be smart, but that doesn’t mean squat when applied to a traitor of the USA.

  9. rg9rts April 14th, 2015 at 05:38

    He isn’t serious…its all about the $$$$$ …like Cruz raking in $31,000,000 the first week of his PAC

  10. Warman1138 April 14th, 2015 at 06:52

    Nothing like a thwacking good time.

  11. eyelashviper April 14th, 2015 at 07:48

    Excellent column, love the humor..
    Will post this elsewhere, especially in a pro Marco location….there are some, ya know.

  12. jybarz April 14th, 2015 at 08:41

    Firstly, it’s mind boggling why the GOP wants to repeal Obamacare when it helps millions of people who mostly would never have had health insurance, and the GOP has nothing to replace it with. I think the Repukes are pure evil and they don’t even realize they are.

    Rubio thinks he is unique and more experienced than President Obama when the president was elected.

    I think he’s more like a political eunuch than unique.

    He’s miles apart from President Obama in terms of intellect, compassion and judgement. Not just him really but the rest of the GOP.

    It’s not just Rubio who deserves the THWACK, the crazy GOP lot deserves it.

  13. Pilotshark April 14th, 2015 at 08:42

    Come one Come all!!! and listen to our new contender all the way from south Florida Marco SippyCup Thwack Rubio, he maybe a semi light weight, but he can smell the green path to easy street. and may go to at least round 3 before the knock out blow.

  14. William April 14th, 2015 at 08:48

    Classic GOP.

    https://youtu.be/h6blEjab9wU

  15. StoneyCurtisll April 14th, 2015 at 15:39

    Marko Rubio..
    Still pissed about the Cuban revolution that happened a decade before he was born…
    Get over it son.

  16. Mike April 15th, 2015 at 09:36

    You left out the biggest rake of all…El Rubio started his own healthcare exchange to compete with Obama care and signed up 64 people for like $2.4 million

Leave a Reply