Ocean Sex Leads To Man’s Penis Getting Stuck

Since we have been remiss in bringing you, dear reader, our usual quota of genitalia-related headlines, we are pleased to relate this tale of lovemaking gone horribly amiss:

It sounds like a spell you’d learn in sex-ed at Hogwarts, but “penis captivus” is a real – if rare – medical condition, as one hapless Italian couple learned this week.

Via The Local:

…the amorous couple were making the most of a warm day, and a practically deserted beach, when they decided to take a dip in the ocean at Porto San Giorgio to express their love.

But their lovemaking came to an embarrassing end when the man was unable to extricate himself from the woman due to suction… They remained in the water until they caught the attention of a woman walking along the beach, who gave them a towel after they struggled back to the shore.

A doctor was called and they were taken to a hospital emergency room. There the woman was given an injection usually used to dilate the uterus of pregnant women, in order to untangle the couple.

It bears mentioning that inextricability “due to suction” is an altogether different mechanism for penis captivus than that proposed by Dr. John Dean, Clinical Director of Gender and Sexual Medicine for Devon Partnership NHS Trust in southwest England:

What… is likely to happen is that when the penis is within the vagina it becomes increasingly engorged. The muscles of the woman’s pelvic floor contract rhythmically at orgasm… While those muscles contract, the penis becomes stuck and further engorged within [the vagina] until the muscles relax, blood can flow out… the penis… the penis starts to go down after orgasm and the man can withdraw.

In other words, they should have stuck to sex on the beach. The drink, not the act.

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