Hilarious: Police Report On Drunken Palin Family Brawl

After the drunken brawl involving the entire Palin clan in Alaska last month, prosecutors will not be filing charges. Anchorage Police Department officials released details of the snowbilly event on September 6th after the Palins arrived in a white limousine, just before Bristol, Sarah Palin’s daughter, coldcocked the host of the party several times in the face with freedom punches.

The police report states that they responded to a report of as many as 20 people involved in a brawl.

Police say that Bristol, 23, appeared “heavily intoxicated” during questioning, and claimed that she had confronted a woman who had pushed her sister, The Smoking Gun reports.

According to Bristol’s version of events, the party’s host was “calling her a cunt and slut” and she was pushed to the ground and pulled “around on the grass by her feet.”

Witnesses described Bristol as “out of control” and accused her of repeatedly punching the host of the party, Korey Klingenmeyer, 39, in the face while yelling, “Who the fuck are you!”

Klingenmeyer told police that he was “angry the Palins had showed up and were causing the problems.” He added that, “A fight broke out and the Palins ended up losing.”

Police arrived on the scene at midnight only to find an inebriated and shirtless Track Palin being led to the family’s white limousine.

Police said that Track’s friends appeared “intent on keeping him away from me.”

An officer described Track as  heavily intoxicated” with blood around his mouth and on his hands. The cop said he ‘had a hard time getting him to calm down.”

According to that officer, he appeared to have an injury under his left eye.

The officer said Track was “belligerent,” but eventually agreed to get out of the limo as per his mother’s instructions.

While “angry and intoxicated,” Track told the police that “some guys were talking rudely to his sisters, making them cry” and the Palins decided to leave the party, until he said, a friend was sucker punched. (Not by Bristol)

“Track said he then confronted one of the guys and said he would fight him, so Track took off his shirt to fight,” an officer reported.

Track claimed he was also attacked from behind by a quartet of “skinny white males.” Seriously.

Todd Palin weighed in saying that when the family friend was attacked from behind, “everything escalated and it was a situation they couldn’t walk away from.”

According to The Smoking Gun in a detailed report, One of the witnesses, Brian Horschel, 38, said that during the party, Track Palin tried to “start a fight with his dad, Todd.” Horschel went on to say that he was “about to step in” until he “found out that it was Todd’s son that was trying to fight him.”

While police were interviewing attendees of the party, Todd Palin confronted Klingenmeyer and askedif “he called his daughter a ‘bitch.’

At that point, Willow Palin approached them and “also got involved flipping [Klingenmeyer] off and getting loud.”

Officer Ruth Adolf stated that, “We eventually separated everyone and the Palin family ended up leaving.”

Matthew McKenna, another witness, told police that “about four unknown guys then jumped on Todd,” and that Track “jumped in and was fighting with the people that jumped his dad.”

McKenna said he “told Todd to get his ‘crew,’ get into the limo and leave and added, “Nobody listened and yet another fight started.”

McKenna stated that “the problem was that Bristol and Willow were drunk as were their boyfriends.” McKenna said that Bristol punched the party’s host “in the face six times,” a “bunch of wives tackled her ass.”

Willow Palin was described as “extremely agitated” while telling a police officer that the party host had assaulted her sister and that “several guys were on top of her sister when she was on the ground.”

According to Willow, an older lady” pushed her, and that “people were saying things like ‘Fuck the Palins.’” (Disclaimer: it wasn’t me. I swear it)

Most of the report seems to fall in line with previous versions of events, told by witnesses who observed Bristol clocking the host of the party in the face multiple times.

Even though none of the parties opted to press charges at the time of the incident, police confirmed that the case is still an active investigation and is being reviewed by APD and the Municipal Prosecutors Office.

A screen grab of the police report:

Political Gates has more screen shots of the police report here.

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