How To Secure A Politician As Your Prom Date

This week Vice President Joe Biden crushed the dreams of one Connecticut teenager after declining an invitation to her high school prom. Seventeen-year-old Talia Maselli sent the VP her handwritten invitation last fall, which Biden politely declined this past Thursday with a letter and wrist corsage. The good news is future generations of high schoolers can learn from her rejection. Here’s the do’s and do not’s of the politician prom invitation.

• DO lay on the compliments, and thick. Maselli praised VP Biden as “the most delightful man in America.” It is doubtful Biden’s own running mate would agree, making it the perfect form of flattery. The more likely it is that the official has not heard the kind words before, the better to use them.
• DO NOT threaten the politician that if he declines, you will select his rival instead. Biden may have declined the invitation after Maselli warned she was considering House Speaker John Boehner as a back up. The VP may have pigeonholed Talia as a high school girl with a fetish for senior citizens hated by their own political party.
• DO try to invite someone who counts on your vote – and use it as leverage. Better to invite a politician to your senior prom when you have reached voting age. In fact it may be a good idea to start off the letter, “I just turned eighteen years old and can’t seem to decide where my political beliefs stand. Prom?”
• DO choose a politician of less stature. This will guarantee less of an ego, less of a hectic schedule and a higher likelihood of a response. Your safety may even be a former politician. While Anthony Weiner may have a huge ego, his schedule is cleared and he’s a professional at the basics of prom: posing for pictures, then posting them through social media.
• DO make sure the prom date’s schedule doesn’t conflict with any government hearings or trips. Talia we don’t blame you for not knowing Biden would be traveling to Romania the same week as your prom.

After following these guidelines, did that pompous politician still decline your invitation? No worries, there is still a chance for you to attend nerd prom (a.k.a. the White House Correspondents dinner) where the President and Vice President will be in attendance. They won’t be your actual date, but don’t let that discourage you. Most prom dates don’t spend the night by your side, just in the same room. Talia, you still have a chance to spend a prom with Joe Biden. You just might want to start working on your press credentials before 2016.

By: Emily Judd

Follow me on Twitter @EmilyLJudd