SATIRE: NBA Players Never Learned To Pick Cotton

Hello. This here is Cliven Bundy. And I done been invited to write a guest eddytorial for this here Allen Combs website what they got, and I always thought he was a fairly nice feller for a liberal and a Hebrew.

Now, I know what it’s like when people takes the things you say and quotes ’em back at ya and it makes you sound like a knuckle-draggin’ racist bigot idiot. So I understand how Donald Sterling, owner of the Los Angeles Nigg Clippers is feelin’ right about now. All he allegedly said, and they ain’t proved what he even said it yet, was that it was OK for his purty little girlfriend (who is only his girlfriend on account of he ain’t divorced from his wife, and divorce is a sin), to hang around with and even sleep with the Nigras, as long as she didn’t get her picture took with ’em or bring ’em to the basketball games.

Now, I ask you. What the hell’s wrong with sayin’ that, if he said it, which they ain’t proved what he did yet?

Don’t a man have dominion over the birds in the air, the beasts of the field, Nigras and women folk, like what Jesus said? Of course they do. So if a man tells his girlfriend that she oughta not be bringin’ Nigras to the basketball games, that’s what she oughta not do.

Am I right? Besides, what do Nigras have to do with basketball, other than bein’ real good at it?

Turns out they found more tapes today that may or may notta been said by Mr. Sterling. On them tapes, he is supposed to have said:

“I support them and give them food, and clothes, and cars, and houses. Who gives it to them? Does someone else give it to them? Do I know that I have — Who makes the game? Do I make the game, or do they make the game?”

HELL NO, they don’t make the game. Some of ’em can’t even make a gol’ durn free throw shot if Shaquille O’Neal has taught us nothin’ else.

So, you know what the problem is, right? It’s YOU ALL what is the racists because you call attention to people like Donald Sterling and me talking about Nigras like they is property, which is probably more true for Mr. Sterling than it is for me cuz you won’t see a whole bunch of Nigras out here on the ranch on account of I ain’t got no use for ’em.

No, Mr. Sterling’s problem is the same as everyone else’s. It’s that sense of entitlement the Nigras have. These here basketball Nigras what they got, for instance. All they do is hang around all day, havin’ sex with white women what oughta know better and making millions of dollars a year for playin’ a gol’ durn game, is what they do! They got no work ethic. They don’t understand the sanctity of the family unit. And I gotta wonder again… would these high-paid NBA Nigras have been happier bein’ slaves, when they had all that banjo playin’ and dancin’ and singin’ to Jesus about their sufferin’ like they did when my grandpappy’s grandpappy owned a passel of ’em?

If these here NBA Nigras had ever learned the fine art of pickin’ cotton and workin’ an honest day’s work, I think they’d be happier than they are under the slavery of Donald Sterling who gives ’em millions of dollars a year, and the least they could do is stay away from his gol’ durn girlfriend, and his wife as long as we’s talkin’ about white women.

That’s all I got to say for now.

By: Bill Schmalfeldt

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